moving on without a hope

wei..i want improve my english~ im serious~! im not good english,please stop praising me..im oso a learner..just like you all..even person that can speak fluent english o write good essay are still learning..actually i never thought of improving..not determine as this time..i rly regret because i never serious when my teacher was teaching me in primary and secondary school..i making my school shame..i wonder is there anything i did to my school and they feel proud of me?i guess none at ol..im just a ordinary student..not famous like others.. Last year,someone who meant a lot to me sms me n tell me 'ur english vry crap'..it's a fact but it hurt me.Someone hope i can improve myself and just want to help me..but i really feel vry upset..'ur english very crap'..this four word made me cry for that whole night..yea,the fact always is verycruel.. until nw,when i flash back,i will feel i rly useless..his english so good although he is from chinese school..but me,from primary till 2ndary in school that most of the students speak english also cant speak a fluent english and write a good essay without grammar o vocabulary mistake.. im stupid..can i choose to b a genius in next life??god,can i? my life suck!ntg get right..i hate huan huey wen..can i be somebody i want?can i be a bad girl?can i try something i never try before?and i do watever i want and dont care what peoples thought?dont care how they feel??????can i? i hate my life..i hate all dis.. i dont know why i exist in this world?what is my dream?i cant see anything in my future..maybe what i am doing now is just study hard..and enter university..graduate and then work and bear my family..i dont want to let my parent works anymore..it is time for them to rest..i know it is hard..n what i am saying now may not happen..but i will try.. i need love..i feel my heart really empty..just like a heart without feelings..a face without emotion.. can someone safe me from all this?bring me away from this..i feel lik giving up.. i dont know reason why i being so emotional at this few days............... what the heck is happening..fck!!!i rly fed up d..........................................i cant stand it anymore..........................i always tell my friend i want to bang my head to the wall or just wait for a car to bang me.....................dint die oso just let my memories all gone............................i dont want to remember....................i dont want to think back...enough!really enough!!! .........................................................................................................vry tired............... can i have a hug?????????????can i have the 'an quan gan' again????????????can i have the feeling being protected??????????????????????? i very miss my ex..........sry...............im so hurt...................too much hope i hope..too much love i love................and got back a broken heart and cold 'treatment'..........................when you will reply me??????????????????????or i just have to stop finding u....................arghgggggggggggg!